Simmer in the Glimmer
Today is my first official "Alone Time" and I couldn't be any more predictable with where and what I chose to do. I was thinking of going to some cozy cafe hidden somewhere in the outskirts of Baguio, order a sandwich and a drink and leisurely read my book for a few hours. INSTEAD, I bee-lined for SM, bought myself a few pairs of pants at Uniqlo, and am now typing this in Mary Grace while I wait for my Vongole pasta and salad. haha!
I guess it's the familiarity of the venue and the tasks that feel grounding. This is definitely something I would do for myself as simply Gelie, without the roles and labels I carry everyday. It feels refreshing to get out of the house and have no idea where to go and what to do, and just let my intuition lead me.
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Ok so just as I was gaining momentum with writing, my salad and pasta arrived. And before I even attempted to multi task eating and typing, the server sweetly said after serving my food "Enjoy your food while it's hot, ma’am." I knew this was a message from my guides to enjoy this time that I don't have to rush to finish my meal so I can get the baby from Raja so he gets to eat (message received Universe!) This was my time to really enjoy my meal, this luxury of eating something I really want and truly savor it. So I intentionally ate my food. It was the first time in a very looooong time that I smelled my food before putting it in my mouth. What a reviving experience that was! Not only did I take a much needed deep breath, but I also felt all my senses come alive as I inhaled the aroma of clams, butter, white wine, and herbs. It was (and I'm not exaggerating here) exhilarating! I enjoyed each bite, chewing with joy as the flavors and textures came alive in my mouth. It brought me so much happiness! I could even take a forkful of pasta and lean back as I chewed, enjoying the food in my mouth as I also took in my surroundings. There was a lady behind me talking loudly on the phone as she directed the delivery rider to find her house somewhere by a creek with a dog barking inside. To my right, an elderly woman was quizzing the server about almost every item on the menu until she finally decided on what to order. In front of me, a couple just walked in and the guy had a prosthetic leg, which made me reflect on a possible podcast or blog post about detachment and interview amputees, survivors of a mastectomy, and the like. These are events I wouldn't even notice happening if I was here with my family because I would be so focused in taking care of my baby or rushing to finish my food so I could get my baby back from whoever was holding her so I could eat. I enjoyed my meal until the very last bite, and it was wonderful.
This is what it means to simmer in the glimmer. Glimmers are moments in the day that bring joy, hope, and inspiration. And these moments, like the glowing of a firefly in the dark, can be so fleeting. We need to truly pay attention to catch them and cherish them as much as we can before they fade into the next moment in time. Glimmers don't have to be "huge" or dramatic. They can be a soft, cool breeze on a hot summer day, or finding a parking slot right away when you are in a rush, or a plate of warm pasta with freshly cooked clams for a late me-time lunch :)
When I just arrived in SM, I ran into a familiar person who I haven't seen since I was pregnant. She also just gave birth at almost the same time as when Mira was born. And she immediately told me with a big smile on her face "Ang payat mo na!!" (You look so thin already!) - which I absolutely know was super far from the truth. I am my biggest and hea viest ever, and the reason I decided to go to SM was to buy a few pants that could accommodate my ever growing hips and thighs. Initially, I felt resentful for the fake comment on my current physique, asking myself "why did she have to lie about how I actually look?" But then, later on as I was in the fitting room trying on my XL pants, I realized that she was being kind and sweet. How would I feel if she straight out told me that I was fat? My self-esteem (fragile as it is) would definitely get hurt. And being a mom herself who is also in post-partum, I'm sure she would also want to hear the same from other people. What she said was a real glimmer because it gave me hope and inspiration to feel good no matter what my weight and figure is. I hope I get to pay it forward the next time I see a mom friend who I haven’t seen in a long time or I know is still going through matresence. It would be nice to bring some glimmer to somebody's day.
It's been 2 hours into my "me time" afternoon and I feel like I can only last another 60-90 mins before I start missing my baby and my husband. So before I order my coffee and dessert, I will say this. Joy and inspiration are constantly around us, no matter where we are in life of what is going on in our life at the moment. Glimmers are abundant - BUT we have to seek them out. It's like switching from dark sun glasses to a pair of clear eye glasses where every detail of what we see is crisp and clear in our vision. It's in the hot cup of coffee you just brewed, in the quiet of the early morning, or in the chaos of a messy home full of kids, family, and a few dogs. May you simmer in the glimmer, friends. And may happiness and kilig moments fill your days every day ^_^