Eulogize the Living

Today marks 40 days since Inay’s passing. I’ve been reflecting quietly — not in a dramatic way, just in the way that time softens and sharpens things at the same time. This piece isn’t heavy, but it was born from that space. A gentle realization I don’t want to ignore anymore. ✨

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Why do we wait until someone is gone before we talk about the good things about them?

Why is it easier to post long tributes, heartfelt captions, and beautiful stories when the person can no longer hear them?

Bakit ang hirap sabihin habang buhay pa sila?

Every time someone passes, I find myself asking this.

Do we think we have all the time in the world?

Do we assume there will always be a “next dinner,” a “next Christmas,” a “next random Tuesday” to finally say the thing?

Or is it just hiya?

Is it the fear of being awkward?

Of being too sentimental?

Of not being reciprocated?

I’ve been sitting with that.

Because lately, the deaths feel closer.

In my 20s, death felt… far.

Like something that happened to other families. Other circles. Older generations.

Now in my 30s, it’s different.

It’s a friend.

It’s the parent of my best friend.

It’s my grandparent.

And a few others that quietly shook me.

And don’t even ask me about the people in my inner circle. I am absolutely not ready for that reality. I still want to believe we have a solid 20–30 years together. Wala pang goodbye-an, please.

But here’s the uncomfortable part.

Even as I pray for long lives for the people I love…

I’m not exactly expressive with them either.

I love them deeply.

I appreciate them.

I’m grateful for who they are in my life.

But how often do I actually say it?

Not in passing.

Not in a birthday caption.

Not when something dramatic happens.

Just… randomly.

Intentionally.

While they’re here.

What am I waiting for?

I think I used to believe that the worst thing that could happen was awkwardness.

That I’d say something heartfelt and they’d laugh it off.

Or change the topic.

Or not know how to respond.

But lately, I’ve been thinking…

I’d rather sit in 10 seconds of awkward silence, than carry years of regret.

I’d rather be “too much” in my appreciation than too late.

So here’s something I’m trying.

For this month, I’m going to experiment with eulogizing the living.

Not in a dramatic way.

Not in a grand speech kind of way.

Just honest appreciation.

Sincere gratitude.

Unfiltered love.

I might make people slightly uncomfortable. Hehe.

But maybe that’s okay.

Maybe part of growing up is realizing that time is not promised — and that love unsaid is love withheld.

I don’t know if this is profound.

I don’t know if this is revolutionary.

I just know this thought won’t leave me alone.

So I’m sharing it here.

If you’re reading this, maybe you can try it with me.

Who in your life deserves to hear it now — not someday?

🌻